I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
