You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
where are you?
Hypothermia
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
3pm strippers are depressing
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
