those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize