Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
