The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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