Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
