ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
