Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
