end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
