Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize