i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
