Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
