hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
