Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
