I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
