If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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