I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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