We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
