I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
