I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
