just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
