Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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