you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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