dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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