so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
