i wish there were pregnant emoticons
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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