not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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