dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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