We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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