he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
