dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
