I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
