I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
