if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am available for nakedness
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
