i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Too much gin, very little bucket
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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