Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
