naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
