Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
