we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
