Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
