Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
