Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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