im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize