Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
