last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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