I'm lost and stupid without you.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize