Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
