no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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