well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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