it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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