i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
