Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
