i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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