you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We need to rekindle our bromance
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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