I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
