if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
