do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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