he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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