everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
