he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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