so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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