How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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