I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
