the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
