if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
