Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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