Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
