i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
