We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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