im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
