This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
