Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
how can u be prego again
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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