Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
